Trusting the Process...

So I re-found one of my one of my Dad’s biggest pet peeve’s.  As we sometimes do in the evenings, we’ll sit on the couch and catch a football game in the evening. That night there was a rivalry football game between Washington vs. Washington State. The game was tied 28-28 and went into overtime. On the first play of the game, Washington’s QB dropped back for a pass and threw an interception to a defensive lineman. My dad and I reacted as any casual football fan would do. We started hollering for this lineman racing down the sideline towards the end zone as if we personally knew him. “Don’t stop!!,” I screamed at the tv, “Go, go, go!!!” my Dad hollered.  If he scored the game would be over. As this lineman raced towards the end zone (Which would win the game), he began looking back every few steps. Suddenly a Washington player came into play. The Washington State lineman desperately looked back again and tried to take a new angle towards the end zone, running almost oblique to the sideline to evade the Washington player. We could see it wasn’t going to work. He was tackled at the 3 yard line. “Why did he look back?” my Dad moaned, “You never, ever, ever, look back.” His voice became sterner as he began to lecture the player on TV. “If you didn’t look back you would have scored and this game would have been over.”

It brought back my high school sports playing days. My family was without a doubt my biggest fans. They were at every game on the sideline hooting and hollering for me until most of them were hoarse (Ok, maybe that was only Dad). One thing that I learned from him is if you get a breakaway, you NEVER, NEVER, NEVER look back. “No matter what Daniel, focus on what’s in front of you and what you can control.” So many times in games when I had a breakaway I could always hear my Dad’s voice in the back of my mind fueling me as I raced towards the goal. “Never look back.” I developed a mindset that no one was going to ever catch me on a break away. Ever. And to the best of my knowledge, no one did. That mindset paid off not only on the field, but in life as well….

“Gentlemen, I regret to inform you, but you will not be going to Afghanistan.” On a hot, humid August day in 2011, those words reached my ears and shattered my world that I had been living in. For the last month, and stretching back almost a year and a half, my battalion had been training to deploy to Afghanistan. For the stretch I was in, I had lived and died every day with scenarios and situations that we trained in from sun up until past sun down. Day patrols, night patrols, casualty evacuations, IED lanes, call for fires, live fire ranges, demolition ranges, language classes, history classes, radio classes, the list went on. We got updates from what was happening in the area we were going to in Afghanistan and we trained to be ready to handle those situations. I had mentally and physically steeled myself for that deployment. I still remember the feeling of eeriness I got as I signed off on my will and wrote my last letters to family and friends. All at the age of 22.

 “So we aren’t going then…” Even 8 hours later back in barracks the night of the announcement I still hadn’t gotten it. I felt as if someone had kicked me in the stomach and slammed me to the ground.  I shifted my eyes to look at other Marine's faces around me, and all I saw was the same look. Rage. I could feel it building up all around me. Already several Marines had punched walls to no avail, thrown chairs, and whatever else it seemed reasonable to toss. We had worked so hard, and invested so much time and effort into the build up. I took it personally. Several Marines, including myself had lost close friends; no, brothers over in Afghanistan. I felt as if some person higher up on Capitol Hill deemed it unnecessary and with a flick and swoosh of a feather tipped pen took it away. Did they not realize the sacrifice? Marines had sold cars, houses, moved family in with family, and told employers to hold their jobs. I felt cheated. I felt as if someone had ripped away what I had worked so hard towards helping out with. We were necessary. And someone had said we weren’t….The media had said that things were cooling off over there anyways. Right, right, that’s exactly right. Go tell that to the 3/5 Marines who lost over 30 Marines and had over 200 wounded in 6 months of tour…

 

Oddly enough, I think back to my Dad’s words…..”NEVER, NEVER, NEVER look back.” I remember coming back home and my family and friends being super over joyed. I was in shock. People always had to put in their two cents whenever they found out. “Oh they don’t need you guys over there anyways,” or “Wow, well I’m so glad you’re safe.” I sympathize with my sister Senayit, who was told this week that they were cutting her 9 month tour short. She was only 5 months in, and mentally prepped for 9. So she will come home only to go back out again. While this is a joyous occasion for my whole family, and believe me no one is more excited than me, I also have to be sensitive and know that this is a process for her because I was in her shoes at a time.

It will bug me for the rest of my days in the Corps. 1/24. The first Marine Corps Regiment to be told to stand down and not deploy…but I think to what my Plt. SSgt said to us when we first found out. “Well boys, it looks like the good Lord wanted some of you to still be here on this earth, because believe me where we were going, not everyone was going to make it back.” Then I think to my Dad’s words that offer encouragement to the future. “Never look back.” And while sometimes it’s ok to look back and wish what could have happened, sometimes it’s better to look towards a brighter side and future of things.

Trust the process!

Yolo, Honduras, and NYC subways

How many times do you think you’ve heard the quote “Life is only here for a moment, so you had better live it up.” Or let’s rephrase that. How many times have you heard the terms “YOLO, HAM, or FISH?” That’s what I thought, more times than what you cared to hear…

 

 

 

Ponder this: What are you living it for?

As a young working professional, I easily feel pressure that comes with trying to “live life for the moment.” You know, wanting to have work success, drive a nice car, and have an awesome pad to live in. Along with that comes the responsibility of making sure my future is secure by setting up my 401K, contributing to my mutual fund, and making sure I stay up to date on my monthly health insurance premiums. "After a while it all seems a bit absurd, but you find yourself sucked into it."  Many of my friends and acquaintances have made it their number one priority to be successful. I also admit that I oftentimes get caught up in the desire to accomplish and succeed. Yet what’s the end result by doing all of the above? What am I living for by doing that?

 

 

This desire to succeed and accomplish was probably my #1 fault in college. I could not WAIT to be done with college, because it was preventing me from going out and making a name for myself. I wanted to be out there. Wherever “there” was I was more than willing to go. I went back to Hope College a couple of weeks ago to have coffee with a professor, and I got a sickening feeling in my stomach as I drove through Hope’s campus. I couldn’t figure out why I felt that way until it hit me. When looking back on my college experience, I don’t think I did very many things that I could stake pride in. In fact, I almost felt as if I was spinning my wheels for 4 years. There were so many people who told me to slow down and enjoy college life. While I mostly ignored that advice I realized that it was in part true. I hate being wrong  but I will admit where I probably could have made some stamp of impact or change in my 4 years in college, I chose instead to look my situation in a negative way. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being driven and wanting to accomplish your goals and dreams. Just remember being driven has its pros and cons. Don’t overlook what’s right in front of your face. Often times you’re so focused on the long term goals that you overlook short term priorities. So with that being said,

#1. Learn to let go…

Wakeup calls are awesome aren’t they? NOT. Well here’s a little wakeup call I experienced this week in a telephone conversation with a close friend of mine (and Aquinas graduate) Mark Dahveed (far left).

Me: “So now that the election is done and you’re graduated now, what are you going to do? Going to stay around GR?”

Mark: “Umm, not really…sorta…yes…no…well…it’s complicated…”

Me: <Awkward silence> “Umm…ok? You know you do have a degree right?”

Mark: Well, I know that, but I’m thinking of leaving in a couple of weeks to go to Honduras.

Me: <dumbfounded>“Honduras? Umm….ok…did you find a job down there?”

Mark: “No… not really, well…sorta. I’m thinking about teaching English down there in a school. I’m not sure.”

Me: <some -sort- of- probably- even- more- awkward- silence> oh, that’s awesome man.

I was shocked…but right as I was shocked, I was also floored with the utter fact that I actually was shocked. I knew Mark. His chill, laid back demeanor often times saved me from many a yellow cards back in our high school soccer playing days. It was perfectly normal for him to want to do that. Heck, that’s what he went to college for. It left me scratching my head wondering how deep I had sunk into the “regular, NORMAL, rigors of life.”  So, here’s my wakeup call to you. If you think that being “successful” means staying in the USA and doing the normal thing every college graduate or American citizen does, I’m afraid you are wrong. By the end of our conversation, I was so excited for Mark’s situation. Almost to the point of wanting to go with him (I called him the next morning before he even had a chance to even get out of bed). He didn’t have to “know it all” in order for him to act, but he had a desire to go. It left me happy knowing that Mark is following his calling and purpose. It also made me realize again that there are bigger things out there than just MY wants and needs. Thank goodness for gracious and forgiving friends. Mark knows there’s an earth that needs impacting... This brings me to my next point.

#2. Don’t let your current situation define who you are. The world is broader than your situation.

 

Ever been in a gym recently? Ever notice how many people have headphones on? Pretty much the entire gym population.  When I went, I could count a handful of people who didn’t have ear buds on. Yet, I’m not here to place hate. Heck, I even have my iPod on when I go. It helps me concentrate. But when my iPod broke due to me sweating so much (I’m sure it had salt deposits built up inside of it which fried it when I plugged it in), it made me self-conscious when I didn't have it. Yet it also made me more aware of my surroundings. I was able to have conversation with non-headphone wearers and established a few chatting buddies at the gym. Here’s what’s worse. Ever been in a New York City subway? Haha, it is LUDACRIS! Here are people who probably ride this metal tube every day, squished together like sardines and it is DEAD QUIET. No one speaks, heck, I tried to make eye contact with an elderly lady to give up my seat so she could sit down and she flat out ignored me. Most of them probably recognize each other from riding the same lines every day, but no one says a WORD. Everyone is on their iPods, cell phones, nooks, and laptops. Wow, is that really how everyone lives nowadays? Towards the end of my night in NYC, a man came up to me and asked for a ride, and I obliged. Everyone who was around me that heard him ask for a ride was completely in shock. But It felt good. Which leads to the final point.

 

#3. Don’t let the rigors and grind of everyday dim your desire to help others wherever they may be.

So it took an explanation of YOLO, a conversation of Honduras, and a NYC subway for me to realize all that again. Don’t let it be you! Step outside of your bubble and help someone.

 

Debunking the Infantry Marine...By a Marine...

                  As I went through this week I couldn’t help notice the election jabbering. As much as I tried to avoid it and ignore it, those darn ads kept popping up EVERYWHERE! On facebook, YouTube videos, in restaurants on the tv screen’s, heck even before the start of a movie I went to last week.  "As much as I do not like politics I will vote." So as I was sitting in my hour and 15 minute line, I couldn’t help but think of the impact this election will have on the Marine Corps, as well as the entire U.S Military. Fun Fact: Did you know I have officially spent more time in the Marine Corps than I have spent in college? It hit me like a brick as I was writing this...
"And It shows." It's interesting how we go through phases in life. You know, the one you had post-high school when you “cut-off” your high school friends because their “just doing the same old thing, not doing anything for themselves.” You’ll discover new ones right? Then when you graduate college, and become a young professional, you “cut-off” your college friends because “they don’t know what it’s like to have a job.” Then you most likely go back to hanging out with your high school friends because “they’ve been there for you the whole time.” Hah, yeah, those phases.

"But no matter where I go, I cannot cut out the Marine Corps from my life."  I can cut out people but I cannot cut out what It is I have learned from the Corps, along with that the bonds and experiences that I share with others. So many people have tried to ask me what it is like to be in the Marine Corps. I can only shake my head, because there are no words that I can form to describe “what it is like.” But what I will provide, is INSIGHT into a portion of the last 4 and a half years of my life of the Marine Corps...you may agree, you may disagree, and that is ok. I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts. So where to begin with the debunking of the Marine Corps infantry? Take note: The comments I share are only related to the infantry side of the Marine Corps. We'll get to the POGS later (Person other than grunt.) 
"FIRST." If you think that the commercials that you see on tv define who an infantry Marine is, you had better think twice. As far as I'm concerened, I've never met an infantry Marine in my career who has flipped rifles in a crisp dress blue uniform while standing on the shores of San Fransisco Bay or around the Grand Canyon for that matter.  I also I've never met an infantry Marine who has climbed the mountain, slayed the dragon and miraculously gets transformed into a Marine....yea...never met one of those. If you don't know what I'm talking about see the videos below. 

"Second. Infantry Marines are different." Most infantry Marines that I know smoke menthol or marlboro lights like there's no tommorow. They dip and chew tobacco, cuss like nobody's buisness, drink Monster or Rip it energy drinks like water, and hate Democrats (As they say, liberals are out to destroy the world you know.)  They are from no name towns that you never knew existed in whatever state they came from, and they are undoubtedly, cocky.  Most infantry Marines fail at not running their suck (mouth), and as a result you find out every piece of information about them-wether you wanted to know it or not. How many bones they've broken, how many girls they've made out with, how many times they got drunk and took on 6 guys at once (and miraculously made it out unscathed). You get my drift. The list goes on...We have family days in our unit where your supposed to bring your family to meet other infantry Marines...well, I guess every year it so happens to slip my mind to invite my family...Oops.
"The 3rd thing about Infantry Marines. We will complain about everything! Not enough chow, not enough ammo, not enough training time, not enough sleep, not enough gear, not enough funding, not enough time, not enough support...which, 10 out of 10 times is true."

Here's what those commercial's don't tell you about the Marine Corps...well, at least the infantry side. You'll dig more fighting positions (NOT foxholes) than you'll know what to do with. You'll walk more miles in your time in the Marine Corps than probably you will in your entire life, all with gear on. Your radio will 100% fail when you need it the most. Think it's cool to carry a Machine gun, Mortar tube, or SMAW? Try carrying it for 6 miles with 50lbs plus on your back. It's called being in pain. And then cleaning it.And Finally. EVERYTHING is a competition. Infantry Marines DESPISE POGS (person other than grunt), because according to us, all they do is sit at their computers, drink coffee, and obviously do nothing (which sometimes is true, but at other times isin't.) POGS aren't in misery like us. They don't have to sit out in the rain, snow, hot or cold. No, they get to go back to the barracks, and rarely ever go out to the field (training excercises). Even if they are in the field they bring tents (because usually they are smart enough.) They only shoot their rifles when they are on the rifle range, while we sleep with ours every night like our life depends on it. 

"The Marine Corps reminds me of having an ex-girlfriend." You hate it because of what it's done to you. Some days I feel tricked, manipulated, and at the mercy of the Marine Corps. I can't do anything but to just suck it up and keep plugging forward. But I still love it. Odd huh? It's because it is my culture.  This is the finest brotherhood in the world, where perfect strangers become brothers through the hardships and pain, and extreme rugged conditions.  It what ties it all together. The brotherhood is simple in the Marine Corps.  You are either in or your not.  All of it, the romanticism, values of idealism, it all blends into a perfect culture within the Marine Corps.  Knowing your brother to your left and right has gone through the same trials and hardships unites you.  Knowing your willing to risk your life for his, and his for yours, replaces any other hand that you’ve had in life.  You don’t think anything of it until you realize it: Only here are people 100% unfiltered and 100% themselves. 
"It’s crazy what the Marine Corps does." It’s one big brother family who sleeps and lives together every day and night.  Unity from the stories of family, friends, and girls, we are all united, and we are one close knit family.  As some people say: Every night with Marines is one big sleepover…with guns.  Finding people who live like you, who think like you, and most importantly are prepared to fight like you, combines all ideological values, and romantic aspirations all into one.  Culture:  It’s like we are our own private club with exclusive access, and we have filtered glass windows where everybody else lines up to look at.  We go through what nobody else has gone through.  The feeling of living together, talking, and struggling together unites even the Marines who hate each other.  We are all united, we are all one.   Everybody longs to be apart of something more, something deeper, something greater to share with others.  To some, it’s living average, well played out lives with the nice home, cars, and with the promotional jobs. 

For me, I have chosen a part of my life to ride strapped with a bunch of cocky, hard working, idealistic Marines strung out on monster energy drinks. That's where life starts getting interesting for me. I guess it's a Marine Corps thing...debunked?

 

How the "Mr." in Mehari came to be

 How “Mr. Mehari” came to be

                In my work as a youth advocate, most all my interactions come with teens on a daily basis-and let me tell you it is a never ending stream of information and stories. Think back to when you were a teen. Oh, it’s stories, upon stories, upon stories. Kind of crazy to believe that in the two summers that I have worked as a youth advocate, I have easily worked with over 200 teens in various places, settings, situations, and enviroments. One thing that never ceases to amaze me is when one of “my kids” refers me as “Mr. Mehari.” When I first started working, I would have to catch myself from turning around and looking for my Dad whenever “Mr. Mehari,” was thrown out. A High School friends’ mother came up to me with a twinkle in her eye after one of “my kids” had addressed me as “Mr. Mehari” –“So it’s Mr. Mehari is it Daniel? I remember when you were in eighth grade….” She walked off shaking her head laughing.

                Truth be told, I don’t think I could even be serious with myself being called “Mr. Mehari,” yet I carry on with it. Sometimes I think of myself as an overgrown teenager that is coming back around to give advice and guidance. Yet I hear it all the time as I walk down the halls at school, or wherever I am. “Mr. Mehari, Mr. Mehari, Mr. Mehari….” The name just sticks…and I’m learning that is ok. It is ok because for many of the teens that I work with, to see someone of their own skin color, coming back to their own neighborhood-well, it’s shocking for them. “Wait Mr. Mehari, you went to COLLEGE?! What are you doing back HERE then!?

Here’s my first challenge to you: “Give back to someone, in any way.”

                In my line of work, most of the teens that I work with can smell your bluff from a mile away. And by “bluffing,” it’s YOU giving THEM the textbook style solution to a problem that will never solve anything for them. It’s not going to fly at all with them, and in fact will discredit what you say. What I have learned in my field of work is that honesty is the best policy. Honesty builds trust-plain and simple. “Why yes “James” I am a Christian, but do I listen to Jay-Z, J.Cole, Skrillex, and Linkin Park? Well, yes I do.” Usually there’s the uproar of “OOOOHHHHH Mr. Mehari LISTENS TO JAY-Z AND IS a CHIRSTIAN!!!!!!! That will start an uproar, but it establishes trust. I’m willing to have uproar over presenting myself in a truthful manner than false, blank looks. Trust is not given; it always has to be earned. I’ve learned that the easy way and the hard way within working in the school system. If I walk into a classroom of teens, without proper knowledge of who they are and not taking the time to know them, I might as well be dust in the wind.

 

The second challenge to you: “Show someone you care.”

                Here’s the dilemma. Here is the question that needs to be answered. How do we show teens that we care in this day and age? Most teens I encounter know your part of some program, with some agency, doing something that they DO NOT care about. What they care about is whether or not YOU care about them. I can remember last year where I had several gentlemen in my group who were totally disconnected. They wouldn’t interact, they wouldn’t engage, they would just horse around, and disturb others. I decided to go to as many of their basketball games as I could.  They saw me at the games, and when one of them had a dunk, or a shot made I cheered the loudest (Yes, that is one of them throwing it down in a game last year.) You have to be intentional in your efforts to show care. You may get shot down a hundred times, but it is that one time they let you in that counts. Those gentlemen refused to acknowledge me at first at the basketball games, even though they saw me. Yet over several months they opened up to me simply because they saw that I cared. This year they are some of the best ones that I have, and the change is night and day.

 

                What I have learned from teens? If you want them to take you seriously, you have to take them seriously. Relating to them and their situation is a good way to begin and start a relationship. Show them you care. Otherwise, the "Mr." in Mehari, just becomes, simple, plain, boring, Mr. Mehari...