How “Mr. Mehari” came to be
In my
work as a youth advocate, most all my interactions come with teens on a daily
basis-and let me tell you it is a never ending stream of information and
stories. Think back to when you were a teen. Oh, it’s stories, upon stories,
upon stories. Kind of crazy to believe that in the two summers that I have
worked as a youth advocate, I have easily worked with over 200 teens in various
places, settings, situations, and enviroments. One thing that never ceases to
amaze me is when one of “my kids” refers me as “Mr. Mehari.” When I first
started working, I would have to catch myself from turning around and looking
for my Dad whenever “Mr. Mehari,” was thrown out. A High School friends’ mother
came up to me with a twinkle in her eye after one of “my kids” had addressed me
as “Mr. Mehari” –“So it’s Mr. Mehari is it Daniel? I remember when you were in
eighth grade….” She walked off shaking her head laughing.
Truth
be told, I don’t think I could even be serious with myself being called “Mr.
Mehari,” yet I carry on with it. Sometimes I think of myself as an overgrown
teenager that is coming back around to give advice and guidance. Yet I hear it
all the time as I walk down the halls at school, or wherever I am. “Mr. Mehari,
Mr. Mehari, Mr. Mehari….” The name just sticks…and I’m learning that is ok. It
is ok because for many of the teens that I work with, to see someone of their
own skin color, coming back to their own neighborhood-well, it’s shocking for
them. “Wait Mr. Mehari, you went to COLLEGE?! What are you doing back HERE
then!?
Here’s my first challenge to you:
“Give back to someone, in any way.”
In my
line of work, most of the teens that I work with can smell your bluff from a
mile away. And by “bluffing,” it’s YOU giving THEM the textbook style solution
to a problem that will never solve anything for them. It’s not going to fly at
all with them, and in fact will discredit what you say. What I have learned in
my field of work is that honesty is the best policy. Honesty builds trust-plain
and simple. “Why yes “James” I am a Christian, but do I listen to Jay-Z,
J.Cole, Skrillex, and Linkin Park? Well, yes I do.” Usually there’s the uproar
of “OOOOHHHHH Mr. Mehari LISTENS TO JAY-Z AND IS a CHIRSTIAN!!!!!!! That will
start an uproar, but it establishes trust. I’m willing to have uproar over
presenting myself in a truthful manner than false, blank looks. Trust is not given;
it always has to be earned. I’ve learned that the easy way and the hard way
within working in the school system. If I walk into a classroom of teens,
without proper knowledge of who they are and not taking the time to know them,
I might as well be dust in the wind.
The second challenge to you: “Show someone you care.”
Here’s
the dilemma. Here is the question that needs to be answered. How do we show
teens that we care in this day and age? Most teens I encounter know your part
of some program, with some agency, doing something that they DO NOT care about.
What they care about is whether or not YOU care about them. I can remember last
year where I had several gentlemen in my group who were totally disconnected.
They wouldn’t interact, they wouldn’t engage, they would just horse around, and
disturb others. I decided to go to as many of their basketball games as I
could. They saw me at the games, and
when one of them had a dunk, or a shot made I cheered the loudest (Yes, that is one of them throwing it down in a game last year.) You have to
be intentional in your efforts to show care. You may get shot down a hundred
times, but it is that one time they let you in that counts. Those gentlemen
refused to acknowledge me at first at the basketball games, even though they
saw me. Yet over several months they opened up to me simply because they saw
that I cared. This year they are some of the best ones that I have, and the
change is night and day.
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